Friday, April 17, 2009

Lessons Learned the Hard Way - 10 Tips for Air Travel w/a Toddler

By now, the husband and I are EXPERTS at flying with kids. But that wasn't always the case. Everybody faces a learning curve, and we were no exceptions. I learned several particularly valuable lessons on a trip from Chicago to San Jose just before Jake's 1st birthday. Let me share them with you:

Lesson #1: It takes fewer frequent flier miles to purchase three coach class seats than two 1st class seats. Since we were flying on frequent flier miles, we decided to treat ourselves and travel 1st class. The flights would have been much more enjoyable if Jake had had his own seat. And, as it turns out, particularly MORE comfortable for me.

Lesson #2: Projectile vomit at 30,000 feet is NOT considered quality in-flight entertainment. As usual, I gave Jake a bottle upon take-off on the last leg of our trip home. About 20 minutes into the flight, Jake stopped squirming around on my lap and snuggled in for what I THOUGHT would be a nap. Instead, my precious son -- who had never spit up in his entire life -- threw up all over himself AND me. I've heard stories about projectile vomit, but you know, I guess I just had to experience it to believe it. And just when I thought he'd emptied the contents of his stomach, he threw up AGAIN!! I had no idea that his stomach could hold so much!

Lesson #3: Those natty fleece blankets they give you on the plane are NOT absorbant.

Lesson #4: The aiplane lavatory is NOT a good place to give one's baby a bath.

Lesson #5: The airplane lavatory is NOT a good place to bathe oneself.

Lesson #6: The airplane lavatory is NOT a good place do one's handwash.

Lesson #7: If you are considering stripping down to your bra and panties in the airplane lavatory, remember to LOCK THE DOOR. (Fortunately, the flight attendent managed to run intereference before things got too embarassing.)

Lesson #8: Do not expect an outpouring of sympathy from the passengers -- especially not from those wittnessing the event, those down-wind of the event, those needing to use the lavatory in the 45 minutes it took to get things cleaned up, or from any female passenger who obviously thought she could have prevented the situation or handled it better.

Lesson #9: No amount of club soda will remove the smell of regurgitated formula, grapes, cheesesticks and goldfish.

Lesson #10: While 1st class has unlimited free alcohol, it is NOT enough to ease the discomfort of sitting in cold, wet, stinking pants for three hours. Next time, I'm going to pack a change of clothes for me too.

I still don't think I've ever been happier to get home.


My name is Dylan Sexton. said...

Wow! That is the most hair-raising travel story I've ever heard. I'd like to think that if I was one of your fellow travelers I'd have offered you a spare sweat-shirt.
Poor little guy as well. That couldn't have been fun.

Jake & Delila said...

Oh, it was fun stuff, that's for sure!!